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    January 24

    结束 开始

         我总算是下定决心要结束了。但是月亮双子的我怎么老是反反复复。我不该这样。算了,结束吧。我已经亲手把两短感情葬送。都已经麻木到麻木。都以为我爱过。如果我爱过怎么会是这样?没有爱过又怎么是这样?其实我说了太多的谎言。终于到自己良心都过意不去了。不是我反反复复的没有决定好而已。不是。只是……

          对一个早就心死的人来说,心里怎么会有感觉呢?一年多以前。当我还在醉生梦死的时候,心就早被撕碎完全了。在幻觉中我以为我忘记了。我哭不出来了,我以为这就是忘记。直到认识幼幼。我突然被她一棍敲醒。原来一直没有准备好恋爱的是我。我的心呢?死了?碎了?没有了。回忆这一年。好像什么都是麻木的。没有感觉的。有了,我去年生日的时候看到阳台满是我爱你的烛光的时候,我心里好像动了。但是短短的震动如何拯救这样伤痕累累的我。我一直告诉自己,恩,两个人在一起就一定会好起来,会把以前的事情忘掉,会好起来……我的心呢?我的心呢?是不是早死去了。那我还活着干什么?干什么?伤害爱我的人?自私的活着?

          就快不能呼吸了。就快不能活着了。还是喝醉了好啊。什么都不用知道。不用负责。不用思考。

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